Monday, July 30, 2012
Its My BiRtHdAY!! Guess that makes it Offical, I survived the year from Hell..
A big Howdy everyone...!!
I've always been one who loves celebrating her Birthday...I've always looked at my Birthday as a day to Celebrate making it another year...dealing with all the ups and downs of the year..learning something new everyday and applying it to my life! So celebrate I have done..even with all the ups and downs I've had a great life with very few regrets!
This year as I celebrated my birthday.. I found myself celebratng much more then just my Birthday..I was celebrating the survival of the year from hell..
I've had to climb a million mountians in my life...many that I wasn't sure I'd make it to the top and back down again..of course I always made it despite the struggles.....I'm a fighter!!
Last night I met my friends at the Dock to celebrate my Birthday just like I've done for the past 10 years. Even my long time Girlfriend came in from California to celebrate with me...but something was different, missing, a feeling of uncertianty lingered in the celebrating!
Funny how one finds themselves smack dab in the middle of change...I'm so thankful that I can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel...I'm Thankful that I am feeling more and more like my old self, I'm so thankful for all the friends here that were there when I needed you most, helping me threw the hard times in the past year. Thankful for the Doctors who finally figured out what was wrong with me & started putting my life back together..
The one thought that hangs on in the back of my mind is do I have the strength in myself to fight all the side affects left behind that still need to be fixed before I can truly be myself again..
As we all sat talking about Birthday celebrations past and the fun times we all shared over the years and lifted our glasses to toast my birthday last night I realized that I won't really ever be the person I was...I've changed not by choice but none the less I have changed..
I've moved on to a new Season in my life, a season that won't include some of the things I love most, but one that will offer many new things I may come to love, I will grieve the losses and celebrate the gains.
Its hard to move on sometimes, even scary at times and yet it's exciting too..!
I know I'm not alone there are so many others who are starting a new season of there life..struggling just as I've done trying hard not to let go of the things that made all those past celebrations such great memories..
I don't know what the future holds for me but I look forward to finding out... I pray that there are more and more positives in the year to come...& come next year I can tell everyone that I love Celebrating my Birthday!
God Bless you all! Until we meet again may your day be filled with sunshine and happy moments!