Friday, August 3, 2012

Ever Feel as if you'll bust if ya don't talk about Something??

Slightly is the Boat with the Blue Camper top
 
Good Middle of the Morning my friends...I wanted to say thank you to everyone who stopped by to wish me a Happy Birthday...It was great hearing from everyone!! I especially liked hearing how many of you related to and or liked my birthday post.
As you all know I've been stuck in funk for some time....  weeding my way threw all the things we go threw when we find ourselves moving from one place in our lives to a new place. I know that many of us have been in this situation and it is over whelming at times!
I like to think that we do get to know each other to some degree as we share different aspects of our life, our homes, our family's, our ups, downs and general struggles with every day life, our Jobs, our great finds at the thrift stores, visits with grand kids, our Happy moments all shared every time we come here to post..
 
I mentioned in my birthday post that I have found myself moving into a new season of my life..and facing it head on. That's not as easy to do as it is to write about it as many of you know from experience...some of us can move on easily some of us struggle to move on.. 
 
We all have dreams most of us never share them but we have them none the less.. Me I've always been an open person.. if you personally met me today you would find me to be the same person you met here..!
 
Some of my dreams have been realized over the years, many actually & for that I am very grateful and feel very blessed. In my youth I dreamed of being a mother and I was Blessed with my daughter Carmen. She filled my life with so much joy growing up.. then I was blessed with my foster children who taught me so much about love, who showed me how much I had to be grateful for as I watched them struggled to find there way in a world that took so much from them. they too were my teachers each of them..
 
Once my time raising children came to end and it was time for me to move on to a new season of my life it was simpler because I knew that it was my time...my time to see some of my personal dreams come true.
 
I wanted to do the things that as a parent you don't have the time or pleasure to do..I followed my dreams and I bought a boat so that I could spend time on the water..I love nature..the sun, the water, the Moon, the stars, I love that feeling of being free to just enjoy all the splendor of Gods creations .... being a lady Captain of my own boat gave me the freedom to enjoy all those things and so much more...
I was blessed with being the Captain off my own boat, spending my summers on Lake Erie & Kelley's Island every weekend from 2001 to 2010. I was one of the happiest people you could ever meet...
In 2010 my boat broke down and although I still lived on her that Summer she didn't run so there were no trips on the water..She was towed to the mainland in October of 2010 & taken to a shop to be repaired. I paid the man to repair her but he never finished the work.. Around the same time I started getting sick.
You all know all about that part of my life..
One of the things you don't know is that every day I prayed that my boat would be fixed feeling that even if I was sick I could still find some peace spending time on my boat with all my friends close by me. I dreamed it to be fixed, I begged the repair man to finish the work on her..but he never did..he took my money, did part of the work and then one day he was offered a job in Florida.. He delivered my unfinished boat to my driveway & off to Florida he went...
There are many things that can break your heart & I've been broken hearted over losing my boat...but the dream that some way, somehow she would get fixed was never far from my thoughts..in fact it was those thoughts & dreams that someday I would once again be free on the water in my boat that got me threw so much over the past two years...
Well there is Good News folks ...A friend offered to fix my boat & picked it up two weeks ago..he has been texting me daily with the progress. Slightlytrashed is the name of my boat..fitting don't you think...lol...
The last Text said:
'Slightly's Engine turned over today & she runs!..I hope to take her out and test her this week on the water and if all goes well I will be bringing her to the Island August 12th. 
I never cried such Happy Tears in my life..well I probably have, but as I cried over yet another dream coming true it seemed like the best Cry I've ever had...I've been in heaven thinking about SlightlyTrashed actually running after nearly 3 years, about being on the water with the wind in my face and the sun on my back, of being in the Casino Dock with all my boater friends and sleeping on her...
 
Then today I realized something that sent me into a tailspin...scared me to death and actually took my breath away and I cried again.. How am I going to Captain my Slightly..How will I untie her lines and get out of the dock on the mainland side?
Oh I can drive her across the water bad hands and all, but what happens when I get to the dock & I can't dock her because my hands are such a mess?
How will I grab my lines as I pull her into the dock, jump off her and tie her up by myself like I have always done, when I can't even feel the lines let alone hold onto anything right now..not to mention the weakling I've become?
Then I'm scheduled to have my first surgery on my left hand August 22 just 10 days after Slightly is supposed to go back in the water..there is no way I will be able to dock her then...
It's horrible to realize a dream only to have it shattered knowing that even if I get to take her out on the water I won't be able to do it alone....
This is a huge challenge for me ..one I'm not sure I am willing to forfeit but one I am not sure I'm able to accomplish alone... god can help me ready myself giving me the encouragement to build my strength up with a promise of happiness again on SlightlyTrashed as I struggle to find my dream but he can't drive the boat and dock it for me..
Two years ago I was a strong lady physically and emotionally..my health wasn't perfect but it wasn't what it is today..Is God telling me you can do it or is he telling me Slightly is fixed it is time to sell her and move on...find a new dream... I'm not sure I'm willing to accept that.. but I also know I'm no where near the person I was two years ago and for now I have to focus on getting my hands back in working order before I can chase any of my dreams, be it Boating or Creating Prim Gatherings.. !
 
I do know one thing I can still close my eyes and see myself riding across the lake in Slighty smiling from ear to ear as the wind takes my breath away and the water sprays across my back..I feel the rock of Slightly as if I were sitting on her and I can hear the slap of the water on her bow as I drift off to sleep!
 
Looks like I have my work cut our for me if I'm ever going to ever be CaptainBlondee again!
 
Sorry this was such a long post but I had to share my thoughts...have you ever had to looks yourself in the eye and realize you have a choice? Like I said in my birthday post I'm a fighter and I look forward to the future...I can only hope and pray that god is bringing home my dream he will give me the courage and the strength to fulfill the dream I've dreamed for the past two years!!  
 
Thanks for coming to visit and until we meet again may all your dreams be realized too!
 
Blessings
Tonya

7 comments:

  1. Good morning Tonya, and happy belated birthday. I have been ill myself lately and not blogging much. I can relate to your health issues and a dream of fun times. We had to give up our Harley last year due to the Mr. being too disabled to drive it. I miss the times out on the bike and I am sure he does too. It is hard to make that decision to sell, but he came to the realization that we would not be riding again.
    But another chapter of our lives has opened up and we have accepted it. We still like to do things together, just different things now.
    I am glad to hear that your boat is fixed and I hope you get to at least take her for a spin before you make your decision.
    Tamera
    Country at heart

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  2. Hi Tonya,
    I just have to put my two cents in here~ my feeling is God has granted you this dream to give you the drive and determination to get back out there and live. He knows your struggles and the hardships you've endured the past few years and has brought you through them all. Now, He wants you to believe in yourself~ that life can still be good, even with afflictions. It's not a bad thing to ask others to help with tying the boat or what have you. God always puts people in place for Us when we need them most. Keep your dream~ and strive to make it a reality! Just my two cents......
    Blessings to you Tonya,
    Jean

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  3. I agree with Jean, Tonya, nothing at all wrong with asking for help:) you have always been such an inspiration to me, as you know my physical limitations have changed my life as well, when I worked at the animal hospital I could hold down a big struggling dog for a nail trim with the best of them, or help carry a huge dog on a stretcher... now I am glad I'm able to get Kiah's nails cut myself:)It's wonderful that your boat is going to be fixed and I have a good feeling that one way or another you will be back out there on the water, maybe with some help but you'll be out there my friend, never lose hope:)

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  4. Hey Tonya. I'm so glad you are getting Slightly fixed. Just be patient and wait on God. If your hands get fixed ( pray they do) and you can Captain the boat again... so be it. But if you can't and have to sell her...when God shuts one door He always opens another. He may have something better in store for you.

    I'm glad you are doing better friend. I pray you become completely whole again.

    Hugs
    Felicia

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  5. Oh Tonya I feel for you ~ you are a strong women and I'm sure you will over come this. Don't give up on your dreams ~ that's what keeps us going. Be strong and patient ~ it will come.
    Hang in there Captain ~ don't abandon your ship!
    Prim Blessings
    Robin

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  6. Keep following you r dreams. Life is too short to give up. Good luck in the road ahead and all of the challenges.
    One day at a time.
    Blessings~Sara

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  7. Hey Tonya, maybe you will just have to take someone out boating with you when you go so they can help tie up etc..that way you can still enjoy "slightly Trashed"..and who doesn't want to go boating with the beautiful weather..I bet you will find someone that can go..I pray your surgery is a success so that you can do it yourself..but if not you have lots of great people/friends that I know will help out their friend...;) have a great weekend..and if I forgot..happy belated birthday to a wonderful generous giving gal.;)

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I'm so Blessed that you stopped by & shared your thoughts with me today! Reading your comments always makes me Smile!