In Memory of Kara~One of Gods Lost Children is lost to Suicide~My Foster Daughter & Carmen's Foster Sister

In Memory of Kara

May she finally have Peace with the Lord

I come here tonight with a very heavy heart. As a mother it is a heart that feels as if it failed in some way, wishing somehow I could have done more...as a human being knowing that sometimes you can only do what you can do.
For those of you who may not know that for 21 years I was a foster Mother. 10 of those years I was mother to mostly Teen Girls. Those girls were what many call in society damaged beyond help.  Most were sexually abused, physically abused, used by family memebers to sell drugs, raped, traded and God knows what else.
But they weren't bad kids, they had been so used they lost there way.  That's when they came to live with me..some on drugs, in trouble, some jsut confused and acting out, some not knowing right from wrong and most just plain lost.
Kara wasn't unfamiliar to me before she came to live with me as my foster daughter. She went to Carmen's school and was friends with Carmen and many of Carmens friends. kara was in a car accident and had suffered Brain Damage. After the Accident Kara started having seizures and was hospitalized. It was during that time the family secrets involving her mother and her brother started to surface. When the county started to get involved the decision was made to put Kara into Foster Care. Kara knew that I was a foster parent and ask the county if they would place her in my home. It was shortly after that Kara came to live with us.
At the time she came little was known of the extent of abuse Kara had suffered at the hands of her mother and her brother. But with the help of counselers and being with other girls suffering from similiar abuse the true extent of the abuse came to the surface.
Charges were filed against her brother and he was sent to prison for 15 yrs. Kara never adjusted to his sentence as she always felt that her brother was as much a victum as she was & she wanted him to be given the same help she was being given.
I don't know even today if I agree with her feelings totally or not, but as I look back I do know that maybe Kara would not have committed suicide yesterday had the system given her what she ask for when sentencing her brother.
As I read her suicide note in the paper today I think that it tells the truth in her heart when she wrote:

We are Kara McClenaghan & Roy Weatherford. We are brother and sister. Please call mom.
Tell the train guy not to feel bad. He did us a big favor and we wish him peace in life.

I think that Kara lived with guilt and shame for her guilt and it tore at her every living moment.
She never could forgive herself for what she felt she had done to her brother.
For that my heart aches so deep I can't even express my feelings..

But I wanted to tell everyone that Kara did find some peace while living with me. She was as happy as she possible could be and for a short time she allowed herself to believe that life had promise and hope.
She went to School dances, the Prom, she did well in school, she dated, she came to love most of her foster sisters and she opened up her self to be loved and she was. she found pride in herself and was able to move on in her life to some degree...Once she moved into adult hood we kept in touch and seen each other from time to time but with each passing year and each encounter I seen great sadness in her eyes and I knew that much of her past still haunted her. I didn't know her brother was living with her but had I known I would have known why her eyes seemed filled with so much sadness..But she made sure I never found out.
No one will ever know why the pain inside her became so strong she felt she had to take her life but Knowing what I know of her struggles with her past and time spent with our family .... I feel in my heart that her suicide note speakes for its self..

Please pray that God takes her in his arms, forgives her and takes away the pain as he took her home with him to finally live in peace.
Kara was a Beautiful person both inside and out!! She was kind and gentle and giving.

To read the story in the Columbus paper paste this link into your browser.
I think Carmen said it best over in her blog. The not so good truth
 http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2012/04/05/man-sister-he-raped-die-in-apparent-suicide-by-train.html

In my heart I feel this is a tragedy that could have been avoided.

May you find Peace Kara and may your heart sing with joy in the arms of the Lord.

Tomorrow I will share with you all the things I had planned to share today but my heart is so heavy I needed to talk about my lost child.

Blessings
Tonya

PS
You can read more on this tragedy at Primcats House:
 http://primcats.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2012-01-01T00:00:00-05:00&updated-max=2013-01-01T00:00:00-05:00&max-results=50