Thursday, April 5, 2012

In Memory of Kara~One of Gods Lost Children is lost to Suicide~My Foster Daughter & Carmen's Foster Sister

In Memory of Kara
May she finally have Peace with the Lord
I come here tonight with a very heavy heart. As a mother it is a heart that feels as if it failed in some way, wishing somehow I could have done a human being knowing that sometimes you can only do what you can do.
For those of you who may not know that for 21 years I was a foster Mother. 10 of those years I was mother to mostly Teen Girls. Those girls were what many call in society damaged beyond help.  Most were sexually abused, physically abused, used by family memebers to sell drugs, raped, traded and God knows what else.
But they weren't bad kids, they had been so used they lost there way.  That's when they came to live with me..some on drugs, in trouble, some jsut confused and acting out, some not knowing right from wrong and most just plain lost.
Kara wasn't unfamiliar to me before she came to live with me as my foster daughter. She went to Carmen's school and was friends with Carmen and many of Carmens friends. kara was in a car accident and had suffered Brain Damage. After the Accident Kara started having seizures and was hospitalized. It was during that time the family secrets involving her mother and her brother started to surface. When the county started to get involved the decision was made to put Kara into Foster Care. Kara knew that I was a foster parent and ask the county if they would place her in my home. It was shortly after that Kara came to live with us.
At the time she came little was known of the extent of abuse Kara had suffered at the hands of her mother and her brother. But with the help of counselers and being with other girls suffering from similiar abuse the true extent of the abuse came to the surface.
Charges were filed against her brother and he was sent to prison for 15 yrs. Kara never adjusted to his sentence as she always felt that her brother was as much a victum as she was & she wanted him to be given the same help she was being given.
I don't know even today if I agree with her feelings totally or not, but as I look back I do know that maybe Kara would not have committed suicide yesterday had the system given her what she ask for when sentencing her brother.
As I read her suicide note in the paper today I think that it tells the truth in her heart when she wrote:

We are Kara McClenaghan & Roy Weatherford. We are brother and sister. Please call mom.
Tell the train guy not to feel bad. He did us a big favor and we wish him peace in life.

I think that Kara lived with guilt and shame for her guilt and it tore at her every living moment.
She never could forgive herself for what she felt she had done to her brother.
For that my heart aches so deep I can't even express my feelings..

But I wanted to tell everyone that Kara did find some peace while living with me. She was as happy as she possible could be and for a short time she allowed herself to believe that life had promise and hope.
She went to School dances, the Prom, she did well in school, she dated, she came to love most of her foster sisters and she opened up her self to be loved and she was. she found pride in herself and was able to move on in her life to some degree...Once she moved into adult hood we kept in touch and seen each other from time to time but with each passing year and each encounter I seen great sadness in her eyes and I knew that much of her past still haunted her. I didn't know her brother was living with her but had I known I would have known why her eyes seemed filled with so much sadness..But she made sure I never found out.
No one will ever know why the pain inside her became so strong she felt she had to take her life but Knowing what I know of her struggles with her past and time spent with our family .... I feel in my heart that her suicide note speakes for its self..

Please pray that God takes her in his arms, forgives her and takes away the pain as he took her home with him to finally live in peace.
Kara was a Beautiful person both inside and out!! She was kind and gentle and giving.

To read the story in the Columbus paper paste this link into your browser.
I think Carmen said it best over in her blog. The not so good truth

In my heart I feel this is a tragedy that could have been avoided.

May you find Peace Kara and may your heart sing with joy in the arms of the Lord.

Tomorrow I will share with you all the things I had planned to share today but my heart is so heavy I needed to talk about my lost child.


You can read more on this tragedy at Primcats House:


  1. Oh Tonya...I have tears now for Kara, and for the evil that is placed upon innocent children! These evils affect their lives forever!!! The Good LORD knows all the details, and I pray for peace and mercy in this terrible tragedy! He loves Kara, and we will trust that His love will see her through. I'll read the links you gave shortly, and I will also share your heavy heart in prayer and thoughts for you~ God bless you and lift you knowing you did what you could to help heal the evil she had to endure~ These things are beyond a healthy mind to understand or comprehend! HUGS TO YOU Tonya~ Thank you for what you did to help her!!! God bless your family tonight!!! ♥♥♥

  2. Tonya, I am so sad to hear the news about Kara.
    Sometimes these things happen and we wonder why and could we have done something to prevent it. My cousin took his own life last November on his wedding day. We were in shock when we found out.
    He had carried the abuse by his uncle around with him for years and with other family issues, he must have felt like he was backed in a corner and that was the only way out.
    We just never know how bad someone is hurting until it is too late. I pray for you and your family and know that Kara is in God's arms now and all her pain is gone.
    Thinking of you.
    Country at heart

  3. You are in my thoughts and prayers Friend.
    The God I know and believe in is a loving and forgiving God. I believe He is holding Kara in his arms right now.
    Sending you a giant hug too.
    Praying you are feeling better too

  4. This just breaks my heart! Bless you Tonya for all you did for all those wonderful children, This has to be so hard for you (((((BIG HUGS)))))

  5. Oh my goodness Tonya my heart and my eyes are crying...I'm so sorry for this poor child of God - how she must have suffered inwardly - so cruel are some parent - BLESS YOU FOR HAVING SUCH A HUGE HEART AND LOVING HER 'BEYOND' WHO SHE HAD BECOME....because you saw into her soul and knew she was so hoping to be good.
    Big hugs

  6. Tonya~ Deepest sympathy.Know at least for a short time she had peace and love surrounding her living with you.Prayers and hugs set your way!~Amy

  7. Dear Tonya,
    my heart aches hearing this tragic news. You are in my thoughts and prayers. May you find some comfort knowing that Kara is safe and at peace now.

  8. Dear Tonya Sending prayers your way and wishin I could hug you. I can tell you are hurting and you should. But God is a good God and loves you for what you did for Kara. There are no answers when this happens. Please take of yourself. XOXO Love, Fran.

  9. I just paid Carmen a long-overdue visit and read of this on her blog. I immediately thought of you and what you must be going through my friend. My heart breaks for you....I have no words of wisdom - or even of comfort. I do not understand; as I am sure Kara could not. I believe she is a joyous place of understanding and love now....Holding you close in thought and prayer.....Hugs ~ Robin

  10. I'm so sorry Tonya to hear about your loss.
    Prayers and thoughts to you and your family.
    May God heal your broken hearts.
    Hugs to you.

  11. Bless your heart Tonya, for being a bright spot in this world for the girls - even if for a short time, and for others too. I know your gal is in the best place and I wish you peace for your broken heart. ~*~Lisa

  12. Oh Tonya, this is terrible! Just remember you gave her a wonderful home and did all you could do for her. You should have some comfort knowing that she is not suffering anymore.

    Bear Hugs & Blessings~Karen

  13. Carmen she was a good friend of mine. She told me about u and she thought highly of u. Thoughts and prayers with u


I'm so Blessed that you stopped by & shared your thoughts with me today! Reading your comments always makes me Smile!